Uprostred kaviarne sa s revom povaľuje dieťa. No a čo?

uprostred-kaviarne-sa-s-revom-povaluje-dieta-no-a-co

Veci nie sú také, aké sa na prvý pohľad môže zdať. Alebo ako ich máme tendencie v prvej chvíli vnímať. Ani názov tohto článku. Ani tvoje dieťa. A čo s tým má spoločné cestovanie? Čítaj, milý rodič. 

Čím dlhšie som mama, tým väčmi si dávam bacha na to, aby som druhých rodičov samovoľne neobšťastňovala svojimi postrehmi a radami zo života materského (sprevádzanými spikleneckým žmurkaním v štýle: Ja som si tým už prešla, moja. Viem o čom hovorím). 

Pozn. autorky: Tento text patrí medzi svetlé výnimky. :-)))

Predovšetkým, ak ide o kamošky, ktoré nápadne pripomínajú prezretý melón a celá tá cesta – na ktorú ich nikto a nič na svete nemá šancu skutočne dôkladne pripraviť – ich ešte len čaká. 

Tie totiž bývajú vďačnými objektami mnohých ne-vyžiadaných rád blízkeho i širokého okolia. Počnúc tým, či si majú zaplatiť epidurálku a mať muža pri pôrode a končiac tým, odkedy zavádzať príkrmy, či brávať dieťa na ruky alebo s ním spať v spoločnej posteli a či a odkedy ho ťahať do lietadla alebo do reštaurácie. 

vagabonding-baliRovnako od istej doby neriešim, ako niekto vychováva alebo nevychováva svoje dieťa. Nie, že by mi to bolo jedno. Ak sa ma niekto spýta na názor súvisiaci s čímkoľvek ohľadom detí, takmer vždy poviem, že jediná rada, ktorú mu stopercentne viem a môžem s čistým svedomím poskytnúť, znie takto:

Počúvaj samu seba. Spoľahni sa na svoje pocity. Intuícia je najsilnejšia zbraň všetkých mám. Bez výnimky. 

Cestovanie s dieťaťom ma totiž ako mamu naučilo nesúdiť druhých, nehodnotiť, neodsudzovať a neporovnávať sa, ale ísť si skrátka svoje. Žiť a nechať žiť. Áno, neraz je to ťažké. My, rodičia – predovšetkým mamy – sme totiž tými najnemilosrdnejšími sudcami pod slnkom. Všakáno?!

turistika-pevnost-arcoDokážeme riešiť – česť výnimkám – skutočne každú prkotinu. To, ako druhí rodičia svojho drobca obliekajú a neobliekajú (panebože, ako ho môžu nechať behať naboso v takej kose?!). To, čo svojim deťom dávajú a nedávajú jesť. To, či ich nosia alebo nenosia. A asi každá mama dôverne pozná zhrozenú vetu:

Panebože, ešte ho kojíš?! 

Prípadne ešte zhrozenejšiu:

Čooo? Už ho nekojíš?!

Vrháme pohľady plné odsúdenia, ak dieťa sedí v kaviarni či reštaurácii na dlážke a jeho rodičia opodiaľ pri stole popíjajú kávičku, akoby sa nechumelilo. Alebo je príliš veľa hodín a dieťa je stále hore s dospelými.

Prečo už dávno nespí?! To sú ale nezodpovední rodičia! 

Lenže. 

Nevidíme druhým do kuchyne ani do spálne či detskej izby. Nevieme, čo sa odohráva za zamknutými dverami ich domu, bytu, v ich srdciach a hlavách. Nie sme tam s nimi počas ich zúfalých, bezsenných nocí. Nie sme tam s nimi, keď mama so slzami v očiach vykydáva obsah celého prácne navareného hrnca super-truper bio zdravej stravy do toaletnej misy, pretože jej pokladík skrátka odmieta otvoriť ústa a prehĺtať ponúkané sústa. Prípadne obedom tapetuje stenu v kuchyni. 

A je vysoko pravdepodobné, že to dieťa, ktoré zbadáme na ulici v kočíku s holými nohami, nemá obuté ponožky preto, že jeho rodičia už vyše týždňa nespali a jednoducho nevládzu hrať donekonečna tú otravnú hru na obúvanie a vyzúvanie, sprevádzanú výbuchmi hnevu. A tak si povedali, že keď vonku práve nemrzne, ale počasie je relatívne teplé, nič sa nestane, ak si na chvíľu vydýchnu a decko bude pár minút aj bosé. 

dolomity-psychologia-dietataA je naozaj možné, že to dieťa sedí na dlážke v kaviarni nie preto, že jeho rodičia majú v paži. Ale preto, že má akútne svoju „don’t touch me” chvíľku a je ako odistený granát. V takom prípade je skutočne najrozumnejšie a najbezpečnejšie pre všetkých zúčastnených nechať ho skrátka tak. 

A možno ten krajíček pizze na dovolenke obžúva nie preto, že jeho rodičia do neho tlačia už od pol roka vyprážané rezne, antibiotické kurence a ktovie aké hnusoty. Ale možno sa len skrátka stalo, že napriek svojim pedantným stravovacím zásadám nedopatrením prešvihli čas obeda alebo nebolo možné dostať dieťa skôr z bazéna či ihriska a už pre neho jednoducho nezohnali nič normálne na jedenie (tak ako sa to stalo aj nám v talianskych Dolomitoch, keď boli všetky reštiky pozatvárané). Alebo na drobca lezie nejaká choroba, nič mu nechutí a jediné, čo do neho dokážu ustarostení rodičia natlačiť, sú slané tyčinky. A tak v oboch prípadoch stoja pred Soffinou voľbou – nedať mu radšej jesť nič alebo dať aspoň niečo…

Možno to urevané decko, ktoré svojim správaním vyrušuje celý podnik, nie je rozmaznaným produktom neschopných rodičov, ktoré nemá čo hľadať v reštaurácii, ale kľudné a dobré dieťa, ktorému práve idú zuby, zle sa vyspalo, prípadne sa mu daný priestor jednoducho nepáči a chce ísť preč. Aj nám, dospelým sa predsa neraz stane, že sa niekde necítime dobre. Alebo že máme deň pod psa. A deti sú predsa tiež len ľudia. 🙂 

multikultura-nomadka-baliNa našich potulkách po svete sa stretávame s rozmanitými ľuďmi, s rozdielnou mentalitou, výchovou a kultúrou. Sme svedkami rozdielnych prístupov vo výchove detí a rôznych situácií. A v neposlednom rade sa ako rodičia každodenne sami ocitáme v absolútne nových a neraz hraničných situáciách. 

Otvorene priznávam, že na začiatku tej dlhej trate menom materstvo som bola idealistická (alebo naivná) a oduševnene sa bila do hrude, že jakživ nebudem robiť toto či ono. Dokonca som sa – áááno, presne tak – škaredo dívala na rodičov asi dvojročného krpca, ktorý na námestí usedavo plakal i zúril a oni ho nechali tak, iba pri ňom stáli. (Až dnes viem, že to jediné správne, čo mohli v tej chvíli urobiť, bolo nechať, aby v ňom emócia sama odznela). Keď na to dnes spätne spomínam, je mi to ľúto. 

Keď malá nomádka dovršila pol roka, cítila som sa ako majsterka sveta, ktorá mala rozumy na rozdávanie, rodičovstvo gombička. Vnímala som samu seba ako chápavú, trpezlivú mamu. No prišlo obdobie prvých krokov a zdrhačiek, presadzovania si vlastnej vôle a nástupu „prvej predpuberty”. A moje ideály sa rozpadli ako domček z karát. Aj to moje rezolútne:

Toto by som JA nikdy neurobila! 

Biely rožok v supermarkete len preto, aby mi dieťa vydržalo obsedieť v nákupnom vozíku, kým doň nahádžem všetky potraviny? V ŽIADNOM PRÍPADE!!! 

Ja že by som toto nikdy neurobila?! Cha-cha, jasné že urobila. Urobíme „TO” raz všetky. A nie raz. Tak to skrátka je. Je to niečo ako rodičovský zákon :-). 

mala-nomadka-zabava-a-dobrodruzstvoVďaka vlastnému dieťaťu a najmä cestovaním s ním, keď sme boli vo svete svedkami mnohých iných rozmanitých príbehov, mám dnes pre druhých oveľa väčšie pochopenie.

A myslím si, ba nie, som o tom skalopevne presvedčená, že keď konáme z hĺbky nášho srdca a z čistej lásky, vychovávame správne. Všetky sme úžasné mamy. Či používame bio látkové plienky alebo jednorazovky, či kojíme alebo nie, či dieťa nosíme v nosiči alebo nenosíme, či kupujeme fľaškové príkrmy alebo každý deň stojíme pri sporáku. Či ťaháme dieťa do sveta alebo máme rady bezpečie a komfort domova. Či mu obúvame barefootky alebo mu dávame tvrdé ortopedické boty. Či dieťa prihlásime už v roku na angličtinu a tristo ďalších krúžkov, alebo ho necháme ako samorast ponevierať sa celé dni po záhrade. Alebo z každého trochu či naopak, nič z toho. Všetky sme úžasné mamy z jedného prostého dôvodu – milujeme svoje deti a robíme veci tak, ako najlepšie vieme a chceme. 

A na tých ostatných sa môžeme z vysoka vykašľať. O to viac, keď nás vidia prvý a neraz posledný krát v živote. 

Nikto totiž nevie, čo sa skrýva za každou našou reakciou, ktorej sú svedkami. Nikto nevie, aké pohnútky sa ukrývajú za tým bielym rožkom v obchode, za tým zvýšeným hlasom na ulici, za tým ležiacim dieťaťom na chodníku. Nikto iný, len my. 

A rovnako my nevieme, čo prežívajú tí druhí. Aké majú dieťa, aký je jeho zdravotný stav, ako spáva, jedáva, koľko nocí kvôli nemu prebdeli. Nevieme celé pozadie situácie, nepoznáme príčiny, preto neškatuľkujme a nesúďme predčasne. 

Veci sú zvyčajne iné, než sa na prvý pohľad zdá. Kým si urobíme záver a v duchu vynesieme rozsudok, máme len zlomok sekundy. Dá sa však v priebehu zlomku sekundy spoznať niekoho príbeh? 

A najmä – nikdy nevieme, kedy sa rovnaká alebo podobná situácia, nad akou ohŕňame náš zásadový nos, prihodí nám. A verte, že sa nám prihodí. 

nomadska-zasluzena-pusa-na-vrchole-hochkarKaždá z nás má ako mama svoj príbeh. A každá si zaslúži rešpekt, nie opovrhnutie. Nie sme rivalky, ktoré majú na seba gániť na detských ihriskách, v herniach či v bazénoch. Nie sme na pretekoch, aby sme porovnávali kočíky, hračky, topánky, rodičovský prístup. Radšej by sme mali držať spolu – ako bohyne a stvoriteľky, ako tie, bez ktorých by tu nič nedržalo pohromade a stratilo by svoju formu. Mali by sme na seba spiklenecky žmurkať, veď sme na jednej lodi. Zaslúžime si vzájomný rešpekt a povzbudenie, ak pre nič iné, tak aspoň pre to, že sme sa ešte nezbláznili. 🙂

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